Warriors story

Okay, I need a title, and I want suggestion. Critisize or compliment, I need feed back! This is the prologue by the way....

A lithe shadow skimmed over the rocks, it’s paws seeming to only touch air in the moonlight. Leaping over boulders and rocks in her way. The cat slowed down as the mountain leveled out and a cliff rose in front of her She looked around with emerald green eyes, no body had seen her. She slipped inside a hidden crack in the cliff face. Once inside the cavern, her eyes quickly accustomed to the darkness. A large copper tom stepped out of one of the many niches in the cave’s walls. He peered at her with piercing amber eyes.“Greetings Shadowfoot. We’ve been expecting you.” the tom spoke cooly. “I’m sorry for coming back later then expected, Hawkstar. I ran into trouble.” At this her claws flexed and her fur raised a bit and then flattened once more. “And did you deal with it?” here Hawkstar’s voice became sharp and keening, like that of an hawk. The black cat turned her head away. Her usually sparkling eyes clouded with worry. A silence fell over the hushed group of cats. They had never known Shadowfoot to come away from a fight without being the victor. When Shadowfoot spoke, her voice was choked with worry. “There were too many...like dogs but worse... called wolves... hunt alone or in packs, depending on their quarry’s size. I just escaped with my life when the pack of them, about a clansworth of cats chased me up onto the Highledge..... I was able to leap over their heads, but they gave chase. One.... nearly bit my tail off.” All the Clan shuddered, this was the worst thing that could happen to a mountain cat- they needed their tails for balance. I’m sorry.” Shadowfoot’s eyes were glossed with tears. Hawkstar’s eyes became hard, he jumped up onto a pile of rocks and he yowled. “ All cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath the stonepile for a Clan meeting. Cats of Earthclan. We cannot stay here. It has become too perilous. We must all travel to the Gathering tomorrow. There we shall ask the other Clans to take us in. We leave at dawn. The Clan dispersed into small groups and whispered frantically. She picked up a small bird from the freshkill pile, but had no appetite. A chubby apprentice, Thornpaw, appeared, and she nudged it over to him. He devoured it happily. Shadowfoot slowly stood up and padded outside of the den, the Clan’s eyes burning into her pelt. Outside, she darted up the cliff face, deftly leaping from ledge to ledge. She stopped at the top of the high cliff. Her beautiful eyes shone as she looked out over the Earthclan territory. She would miss her home. Tears trickled down her dark muzzle. A voice came from behind the dark she-cat. She spun around. She had thought that this was her private retreat. It was Ashpelt. The soot colored tom padded his way toward her. Her heartbeat quickened. He nudged her chin up. “Don’t worry, we’ll have a good home soon. She licked his ear gently. “I know, but it’s my fault. She looked down dejectedly. “We’ll get there in time for you to have your kits.” Shadowfoot’s eyes sparkled once more. She brushed up against him, and he purred. The stars, moon, and cats of Starclan stared down on the two mates.

Very interesting Ice! I love how you made up your own clans and such. I think it'll be a great story once you're finished!

Also, you should use more commas instead of making some of your sentances so short and choppy. Also, you should seperate it into paragraphs. It's hard to follow sometimes =P Along with different paragraphs, my english teacher last year taught us to start a new paragraph every time a different person speaks. Again, it's easier to follow when it's like that =] Hope I helped!